Turning Dirty 30

June 17, 2024

A friend asked me what the best part of this year was. Without question I said the people in my life.

30 has me feeling so proud of my people, and it’s not in the way you might think.

The people pleaser in me has spent so many years saying yes when I wanted to say no. Or feeling really left out while trying my hardest to fit in. I’m great at keeping the ugly stuff to myself. Add in a sprinkle of self-deprecating ✨sarcasm✨ and distracting coping mechanisms and holy crap would you believe my mental health could turn to shit? 

 So 29 was a journey :) I spent a lot of time alone. I pulled away from so much of what I knew in attempt to reset my habits and relationships. I’ve lost friends along the way. Depression kicked my ass. I have this constant battle of never feeling like I’m where I should be. And never making a dent in “figuring it out”. I couldn’t help but think year 30 would be downhill.

But looking back on this year, I can only see how clearly I’m surrounded by angels. I’ve got some of the smartest, coolest, kindest, funniest, and most supportive people in my corner. Circling back to the proud moment - I’m proud because I know it’s a reflection of my own growth.

Solitude will amplify how you feel around others - whether that’s much better or much worse. This became my standard for how and where I invest my time. 

My people showed up to make sure I was drowning in love this birthday. It’s these people who knew I wasn’t ok before I had to say it. When I had to say it, I never felt anxious to tell the truth. If I had to cancel plans they knew something was wrong. They didn’t get mad when I didn’t call back. They checked back-in instead. Some even had the courage to ask the barista for a remake of my pick-me-up coffee if it was the wrong color. They continuously rooted for my delusional dreams and have even bigger ones for me. And I never feel like I have to be anyone else but myself. 

Morale of my story? Check in on your people. Social media isn’t real. Smiles aren’t always either. When you find good people take care of them and make time for them. 

This weekend I found myself chanting, “No timelines! No deadlines! No agendas!” because I wanted everyone I was with to relax and have fun. Maybe that’s the reminder we all need once in a while. 

We only have one real “timeline” while we’re all here, and what matters most is that we have good company along the way.